you know what they say..

.. all good things must come to an end. when i thought things were finally getting better, my sister has to go and screw everything up. now, again, my family is divided and the constant tension is so thick you can cut it with a knife. i just want everyone to be happy.. but unfortunately i cant do anything about it.

when i'm having a problem..

.. dont answer with lolll. it doesnt make me feel any better. i obviously texted you to get help, and when you cant help me, dont say anything. lolll just makes everything worse.

bitch.

jealousy...

... is definitely a litter green monster. and i hate it when people are overwhelmed by that slimy beast. i did nothing to deserve to be treated like this. yes, i hung out with other people. but i hung out with you too. i never ditched you, or deserted you to hang out with other people. i still tell you everything. but i feel trapped. i want to branch out and be myself. i dont want to be stuck in my town my whole life and just hang out with one person. i want to make friends, and meet new people. can you blame me?

bullshit excuses.

its bothers me to no end when people use excuses. and they are obviously false.

for one: the reason i didnt bbm you back is because my phone was turned off all day.

BULLSHIT!
the bbm i sent you had a 'd' over the check mark. that means that the message was delivered and you turned your phone off AFTER you got the message. i know how blackberries work. dont fuck me over. admit you just didnt want to bbm me back.

use some other excuse.

having the worst day ever.

seriously. today sucked.

first, i found out that my ex-best friend is in my homeroom. fuck.

second, i am craving chicken and had to have pasta, yet again for dinner. even bigger fuck.

third, my dad promised we would go to a car show tonight and of course we didnt go. biggest fuck.

fourth, i needed to vent to my best friend but she didnt answer my bbm (hours and hours later) and she tweeted from her blackberry. FUCK MY LIFE.

Just found out...

... that he is in my homeroom class. The way it works in my school is you get assigned a homeroom, and you go there on your first day of school, and you get your schedule, and once that is done you go about your day as usual.

Well my ex-best friend, is in my homeroom class. You could say we had a nasty breakup (even though we never dated, he was my best friend.)

We were friends for a while, and I really enjoyed hanging out with him, and I didn't really have girlfriends because all the girls in my town are catty and annoying, and obsessed with drama. Then we kind of got our own group. Me, him, my current best friend, and another girl. But just focusing on him, he started changing and hanging out with other people. I have no problem with people having other friends, I think its great. But then he started to change, and he would lie to us and say he was going to his grandparents house but he was really going to the mall with his new friends. So, I got really mad and upset and we just stopped being friends, but he would send me ridiculous text messages, and he would prank call me 24/7.

And then one day my best friend called me and said that he was posting mean things about me on facebook. He had said that he wished I was dead pretty much. But he said exactly: "yeah and rachel almost got crushed (he was referring to a concert we went to), i wish she had." and I just broke out crying.

I was embarrassed because my whole school probably saw it, and just so hurt that he would ever say anything about me like that. I went in my parents room hysterical and my dad went to go talk to his dad. And his dad actually said that both he and his sister had problems with cyber bullying people. The whole situation just sucked.

And now hes in my homeroom. I will have to see him everyday. And I already went through hell changing my schedule around with the counselor so I can take photography so I can't change anything. FUCK MY LIFE. I WANT TO DIE.

Been..

... running around since the second I woke up this morning. My cousin bbmed me this morning and asked if I wanted to go out somewhere and chill, so of course I said yes and had to get ready in 30 minutes including a shower. She called and told me she was outside so I slapped some makeup on my face, threw my shoes on, and ran outside. We went to dave and busters (me, my cousin, and my baby cousin who is 3) so we could play some games but mind you I haven't eaten yet and she had just gotten back from lunch. So we played some games and dealt with some minor meltdowns from my baby cousin. It was fun, and my baby cousin won 150 tickets from one game! lol.. i had a good time since I havent seen them in a while, it was nice to hang out just the 3 of us. But nnow I have to sit down and focus on homework, and I am exhausted and have a headache. This should be fun!